Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
