How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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