I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We had sex on a dog bed..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
