she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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