I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
