Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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