the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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