You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
