No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We need to rekindle our bromance
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
