i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
