tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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