Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
