i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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