No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just want to make out with him forever
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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