Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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