So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
