it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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