this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I FOUND THE LEGS
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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