she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
