Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
