My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
