i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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