In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
