I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
