did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
operation harelip BJ is a go
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
