I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
