i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
