ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
