Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
