she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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