You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
