**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
