Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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