A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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