you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
