Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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