I will die if light touches me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
