Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
