Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
