Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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