yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
