my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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