are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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