new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
