I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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