i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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