This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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