Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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