Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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