Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
